Why do I support gay marriages as a practicing Christian?

After a passionate conversation with my close friend who feels strongly against gay marriages on biblical grounds, I thought of posting why I support gay marriages and better still why I feel the need to talk about it. My husband subscribes to the Christian church’s ideology that homosexuality is a sin and I understand where he is coming from.  I have only respect for individuals who are honest to their faith. Faith is my reason too.  I talk exactly for the reason you are silent.

It’s a bit of a lonely road because I am not an atheist or an agnostic. My reason is not ‘freedom of choice’. I believe in the sanctity of life and that exclusivity in sexual relationship between two individuals could be broken only by death.  I don’t even believe in divorce other than caused by adultery or abuse. I am not for open relationships or polygamy. My reasoning is based on the golden rule and how I perceive Jesus Christ.  I wrote about this in a previous post here

It doesn't concern me that standing for gender equality or homosexual marriages would pigeonhole me among Christians. I am not ashamed of my stand. My theology is not based on 'fear for the soul' or 'hell' that talking for a fellow human being needs to be done with caution. 

When slavery was abolished, many Christians were against it because they didn’t consider the revolt Christian. Some even argued that equality was against the nature of humans. I am glad most Christians agree today that the golden rule just doesn’t give any provision for slavery. Did Jesus talk about slavery in general? No. Did he even preach to the gentiles? No. But he did give the golden rule on which Christian ideologies should hinge on. He spoke against divorce but never against homosexuals. Preachers won't step down from the pulpits on those grounds but are eager to condemn homosexuals to hell. 

I see an evolution in terms of understanding of God when I read the Bible from the Old Testament to the New Testament.  I don’t believe that God gave the commandment to take in multiple wives, divorce at will, annihilate enemies or take in virgin plunders. The human understanding of God evolved.  Jesus Christ explicitly mentioned why Moses permitted divorces. He broke superstitious rules that were once meant to be holy. That’s why it’s dangerous to quote verses that are the opinions of people with limited revelations.

If I stand for commitment, I should encourage commitment. If someone is born with a different sexual orientation and desires commitment, I don’t have any logical reason against it. Why should we drive homosexuals out of churches, refuse legal commitments and then point fingers at an immoral life style. It’s up to a church to decide whether or not they want to conduct a homosexual marriage. But lobbying against legal equality is unreasonable. Should someone be punished for the way they are born just so that we could feel righteous?  

I talk about this openly whenever I get a chance because however inconsequential it is, that is one more voice added from the Christian crowd.  If this encourages one homosexual person who is depressed because of the witch hunting by some Christians, it's good enough for me. I am glad there were people who were not afraid to voice out against slavery, racism at a point such inequality was considered a safe Christian ideology. If they had inferred that any social cause is inconsequential since Jesus Christ did not actively support an anti slavery movement,  this world would not have progressed.  If Paul had confined himself because Jesus Christ did not preach to the gentiles, I would not have found a friend in Jesus.

“Matt 7: 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

This verse is not about being safe on the conservative side. It transcends race, religion, social standing, intellect, sexual orientation or any other identity out there. There is no other law against love.

37-40 Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

Prajwala co founded by Sunitha Krishnan, a gang rape survivor - Rescued 3000+ and houses 600 sex trafficked victims

We all know about the brutal rape that happened in Delhi. Six men raped a 23 year old in a moving bus, beat her up, inserted an iron rod in her vagina, tortured her and left her naked on the streets. Her male friend was also savagely beaten up. She lost 3 litres of blood, had to undergo an intestine transplant since her's were severely damaged but despite medical intervention succumbed to her injuries and died. This has shaken up the conscience of the general public.

What happened to her was heinous. She held a mirror to the nation. Her justice is not in how those rapists would be punished. It's about how such crimes against women could be subverted. Please listen to this TED talk by Dr. Sunitha Krishnan 

For those who want to do something about sexual crimes against women - you could donate to Prajwala - co founded by Sunitha Krishnan who was raped by 8 men when she was 15 and has been fighting relentlessly against human trafficking for the past 16 years despite getting beaten up by goons more than 15 times. She has rescued 3000+ victims and her rehabilitation centre homes 600 sex trafficked victims.

It would make a huge difference if we pledge to donate a small amount every month or make a one time donation to support the work of people like Sunitha Krishnan who have put their lives on the line for this cause. 1000 INR per month or 100 INR pe rmonth won't make a dent in our household income but it could help save lives. 

How to donate:  http://www.prajwalaindia.com/howucan.html

Accolades:

• Prajwala is a member of various national and state level committees to combat trafficking. For its efforts in the sector the organization has been recognized by various national and international bodies like Government of India, World of Children, UNFPA and Ashoka Innovators.
  
  
• Anamika - The Nameless a film produced by Prajwala won two international awards in De Cine De Granada and Action Cut International Film Festival. 
  
  
• Of Freedom and Fear a film produced in collaboration with Andhra Pradesh AIDS Control Society was screened in the New York Film Festival, Mini DV International Festival.
  
  
• Dr Sunitha Krishnan the founder general secretary and the chief functionary of Prajwala has been recognised for her efforts in the anti trafficking sector by the following national and international bodies
  
  
• Prajwala won the prestigious AGFUND International award in April, 2008 for its pioneering work to Combat Trafficking of Women and Children through Community Partnership. Prajwala was adjudged the best project in the world for its outstanding efforts.
  
  
• Dr Sunitha Krishnan the chief functionary and co-founder of Prajwala won the ‘Real Heroes Award’ constituted by Reliance Industries Limited and  CNN-IBN Network in April, 2008.  This award is meant to recognize the unsung heroes of independent India.
  
  
• Dr.Sunitha Krishnan, Chief Functionary of the organization was felicitated by Intelligence Business Network, Malaysia in March 2009. This felicitation has had a great positive impact as an entry point was created to sensitize women corporate leaders to be sensitive on the issue of trafficking.   
  
  
• Prajwala received the National Award for Child Welfare from the Govt. of India in February, 09 for the exceptional services it renders to prevent child trafficking and its outstanding efforts to rescue and rehabilitate child victims of sex trafficking.
  
  
• Dr.Sunitha Krishnan has been featured as a Real Hero in the Trafficking in Persons Report, released by the US Department of State in June, 2009.  This is an acknowledgment of activists fighting to end modern day slavery – Nine persons from across the world were chosen as 2009 TIP Heroes.

Melting Standards

Nets aimed at shooting stars

Heart lusting its glitter and spark

Naïve for Greatness, Glory and Fame

Minions march to make a name

Barbaric hunters with a pile of skulls
Artists flaunting mastered skills

Emperors, Cardinals from different times

Modern entrepreneurs hoarding gains

The world looks up in need of a purpose
Craving a promise of dreams in surplus
Like the moon drunk on light it borrows

Aspires to be the sun every night and morrows

The play of chance, the hand of times
Distract our eyes from what it hides
Hunter in an Industrial Age
Writer facing the Dinosaur's rage

Flip the centuries, the Heroes fall

Yet the world is snared by illusion's trawl

All we know is the scale of standards

Pity what’s different, judge what threatens

Fear the outlaws or discredit with slanders

Worship the Heroes, scorn the strays

And continue till time tilts the scales

Done with muscles, intellect and wealth

Brink of another change peers in stealth

What would be tossed and put to rest

What could signal greatness  next?

Christianity and the Homosexuality issue

     This is something that has been in my mind lately. More so because of how the fundamentalist and evangelical churches point at Homosexuals as the culprits for any disaster - natural or otherwise. If there is a hurricane, prominent preachers don't waste any time in accusing them as the cause of God's wrath. There is much outcry against Homosexual marriages. As a practising Christian, this disturbs me a lot. If we have to go by the Jesus Christ portrayed in the Bible, I am sure that if he were to walk as a human in this century, he wouldn't refuse a party invitation from them.

 All creation is beautiful. If someone is created that way, perhaps there is a reason to it as Christ rightly said in Matt 19

 "For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake"

It's funny how people quote Leviticus to condemn homosexuals ignoring other chapters and verses from the same book. Leviticus has rules that prohibit shaving the side burns as well. The Laws were given because of the hard heartedness of the people. But at any given point of biblical time, those laws were redemptive than the culture around them. Jesus Christ broke some of the laws and yet said that he was fulfilling them. He could see the spirit behind the law. Sometimes following the very law means breaking it. Context is the key.

The old covenant was based on law, the new covenant is based on grace . All 613 laws of Moses were replaced by a simple commandment from Jesus ( Galatians 5:14 - For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.") If we are prejudiced against people who are different from us out of fear of the church and the preachers, how can we say that we honour the new covenant. 

Christ stopped people from stoning a woman charged with Adultery. He didn't keep the Sabbath when that meant helping people. And when He taught about the judgement - Love was the only reference. 

Matt 25 31-33 “When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left.
34-36 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:
I was hungry and you fed me,I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,I was homeless and you gave me a room,I was shivering and you gave me clothes,I was sick and you stopped to visit,I was in prison and you came to me.’37-40 “Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.

It is a medical fact that some are born with that disposition. How can we expect them to follow the rules meant for men and women. Shouldn't they be able to enjoy Love and companionship. ( 1 Cor 7: 9 It's better to marry than to burn with lust.) If anything, homosexual marriages would only curb fornication and help them honor committed relationships. 

We don't get to judge anyone unless we are 100% sure that we would have done a better job than that person even if we were born with their disposition, faced the circumstances that they faced, met the kind of people they met in life etc. Because while judging, we are setting up the standards with which we will be judged later. 

Matt 77 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

That's why the kind of people Christ admonished were Hypocrites and Religious teachers. He dined with the 'sinners' because he didn't merely see the choices, he saw the inner person that made those choices despite their disadvantages. 

Christ did not pile up rules for people to follow. He gave the ultimate golden rule to take care of every aspect of life. His formula was simple - Love God, treat others the way you would like to be treated, be tolerant about personal insults but don't be a wimp - use anger and fight against hypocrisy/injustice. He never started his day thinking about how he would be perceived by others. If that's the case, he wouldn't have been caught speaking with the Samaritan woman, dining with 'sinners' or rescuing a woman from getting stoned for adultery. He took the whip when needed - but that was not to admonish someone's transgression from the norms. It was to thrash religious Hypocrisy. 

If we call him our Father, we should not forget that he is the Father to everyone -irrespective of religion, race, gender, social standing, intellect, sexual disposition... And he Loves everyone the same. 

To the operation theatre and back

There are times  we could understand the gravity of a situation without feeling it emotionally. It helps maintain our objectivity to support someone. It is not really surprising unless that someone is you.  Looking back at last week, I realized something. I am indoctrinated. And, it’s not a bad thing.

I asked Sanju on 18th Oct to book an evening appointment at the hospital. Around 12 days back, we had visited Dr. Disha Sridhar at Motherhood, Bangalore with a positive on the urine pregnancy test.  Since the ultrasound slots were full at the hospital, we got the TVS done in the nearby test centre Clumax - in retrospect, a very bad decision. The ultrasound couldn’t detect the gestational sac in the uterus. There was nothing to indicate a tubular pregnancy either. 

Dr. Disha was cautious though and asked us to get a HCG reading done and compare that with another reading in a couple of days. We found out that the levels were falling drastically. She reviewed the ultrasound results and said that it was quite possibly a chemical pregnancy and that I could just expect my periods. However, she asked us to check back in 10 days. She instructed that I should never be alone and that I should be taken to the hospital immediately if I faint. I did google the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy but somehow it didn’t affect me much and I initially thought of getting the tests done on a Saturday (Oct 20^th). 

I had a bad hunch on 18^th morning and asked Sanju to book an evening appointment. Sanju remembered that only around 4 in the evening and called up Motherhood. Luckily, we got an appointment for 7.30 PM. I normally leave office around 7.30 PM. But that day he came to pick me up around 6 PM so that we could make it in time for the appointment. While taking the lift down, I started feeling nauseous and by the time I reached the car, I was in pain. At that point, I just wanted to go home and lie down. I thought that it was a miscarriage. But Sanju sped up to the hospital ignoring my gibberish on the way.

 I realized that something was drastically wrong only when I stepped out of the car. My legs felt weightless. The lady at the counter took one look at me and immediately got me to Dr. Ranjini. She alerted the staff that it was an emergency and stopped the patients in the Ultrasound room to get me an emergency scan. They found out that it was a tubular pregnancy and that the tube had ruptured. There was severe internal bleeding.

 I felt an ebb and flow and at some levels I actually felt a cool, liberating, weightless sensation. And those peaks during the oscillation wouldn't hurt.  Apparently, I was going on a shock. They rushed to prepare for surgery. The hospital called up Dr. Disha Sridhar and she came down immediately.  She told me that it was a life saving surgery and that we had reached there in the nick of time. Sanju asked them to do whatever it takes to save me. I asked Dr. Disha if it was going to be under general anaesthesia and she said yes. 'You won't feel anything'.

When I was wheeled into the surgery room, there was a minuscule moment of doubt. I prayed 'God, forgive the sins that I committed knowingly or unknowingly' - it was a blanket confession in my mind to face the Maker. I remembered the verse 'my strength is made perfect in weakness' in Tamil. (My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.) I used the Tamil Bible only during my school days. I used 'NIV' for a few years  after that and  these days I use the 'The Message' translation  but surprisingly I mostly remembered the verses in Tamil. 

 I was at peace about any outcome but then I reminded myself that it was God’s protection that made us plan a hospital visit and it only means that I would survive. If Sanju had not come on time, I might have mistaken the pain for a miscarriage and decided to take rest in the sick room.  Apparently, the pain only lasts two hours and then it is fatal without a medical intervention.  I prayed for God’s strength and then my mind was on auto pilot for some time. I remembered verses, mostly the ones in Tamil I meditated as a kid during my sunday class days. I felt peace and then I looked around at people frantically preparing me for surgery.  I started talking with the people around to lighten up the mood. The doctor who was preparing me for anaesthesia joked that they were painting my back referring to the smear before the injection and then I felt a slight pressure. The doc said that they were going to paint my stomach and that I will be completely unconscious in a few minutes. I remember laughing aloud. Then I got another injection and my last memory was some kind of clock ticking.

It was a dreamless sleep as if time was ripped away in parts without a trace. After the surgery, I woke up for a moment and thanked the doctors and drifted.

When I woke up again, I saw Sanju. The doctors were behind me. I didn’t know that then.

I asked Sanju
Did I remember to thank the doctors? 

Does this hospital have wifi? I have a presentation tomorrow.

Sanju then pointed that our friends Souditi and Vijayan were there.  I smiled and then slept again. Apparently, Dr. Disha said that I shouldn’t worry about the presentation. But I didn't hear that.

My next memory is lying on a bed with IVs on both hands. I vomited when they transfused blood. The nurses cleaned me up. Sanju told me that they would discharge me the next day and that I would make it for the presentation. The next day I texted my colleagues that I had a surgery but that I would make it for the evening presentation.

When Dr. Disha visited me I asked her if I could go home by noon. I didn’t feel any pain at that point. I was completely drugged. She told me that I had lost 1 litre of blood and that they had to remove the tube that ruptured. It was a major operation.  They would discharge me only after 3 days. After she left, I thought of recording my presentation and sharing it. I remembered that I was wearing a purple shirt and black waist coat while coming in. That should do. 

When Sanju went out to get something, I disconnected the tube connecting the IVs , dressed and by the time he came back I had started recording. The batt was low and it went off in 3 minutes. Sanju called up my friend Souditi and she offered to bring a charger and also a laptop from her home. Meanwhile, my manager called me up and told me to stop worrying about  the presentation and that the important thing was my health. I felt that if my manager or the Head of the division for which I was doing the project speaks on behalf of me it would be nice too. I had already shared the slide deck. But they decided that I was working on it and so I should be the one to do the presentation and postponed that to December. I was impressed with their kindness. And after a while it hit me.  This was happening to me and I was behaving like a person in someone else’s story.  I lied down and rested. 

They started liquid food the next day and my parents arrived the day after that. Souditi and Vijayan visited me twice everyday and they had got us fruits, biscuits and change of clothes for Sanju. Sanju said that I would repeat the same story  at times but they would react as if they were hearing it for the first time!

Dr. Disha later told Sanju that I was very brave. It was not really courage and I cannot take any credit. It wasn't reason or personal fortitude. It was just faith and most of it was from the childhood ‘me’.  There is something that I believe with my whole heart – everything happens for my good and God is in control always. That keeps me in a mental 'high' most of the time. Yesterday night while praying, I remembered the verse that we should give thanks in all circumstances and I said ‘Thank you God for the surgery. I don’t know why it happened. May be, some scars are beautiful. May be, you wanted to build some character in me. May be, you were teaching me something and I have already learned the lesson through this but I just don’t know that yet’ 

Sanju and my parents are waiting on me hand and foot and I am in a happy place, recovering. My mother works round the clock to ensure that I get a healthy diet and fluid intake. They say that the saddest phrases start with ‘If only’ - that’s true for the happiest ones as well. If we had not booked the appointment, if we had not got the evening slot, if Sanju had not come on time, if the receptionist didn’t understand the gravity of the situation, if Dr. Ranjini didn’t get me an emergency scan, if I had lost more blood, if Dr. Disha had not come on time for the surgery- I wouldn't have survived that day.

 It could be a long string of coincidences but it is beautiful when I trace a pattern and point that to God’s protection. I am grateful for the gift of faith. It makes life a beautiful story and we get to live in it. 

FGM

I was 16 when I read the story of Waris Dirie in Readers Digest. <You can read the story of Waris here > I almost threw up after reading about Female Genital Mutilation. It affected me so much that I started talking about it. This catapulted the aversion that I always had for any sort of inequality. I started talking about the atrocities against women caused by the patriarchal mind set. Not exactly an appropriate topic in a conservative society where life revolved around a church in the village. The prejudices that I saw around me looked trivial in comparison. But I couldn't accept the soft patriarchy of the protestant church as a compromise where women are considered equals in the society, encouraged to work, even ordained as priests in the church but would have to submit to the headship of a man at home. I was never a rude child but I could not fit myself into a role dictated by culture. I was weary of multiple masks. I wanted to be the same person whether I was at church, home, village, school or the nearby town. Once a teacher told me 'There is so much fire in you. But don't get burned' after reading my poems. I am not considered a rebel any more because things that mattered so much to people in my home town look trivial now - even to them . That phase did help me to move out of my comfort zone, explore a world outside and make my own choices.

I wrote this poem about FGM last Novemeber as a tribute to that intense emotion I felt many years back while reading the story of Waris.....

Blood coils around the desert plant

Like a serpent ready for its prey

Dripping through the green leaves

It glistens with a shameless sheen

And hums a tale in whispers 

The moments streaked in its ruddy grain

Darkness lunges with lust

And licks up the crimson stains

The moments slide into its belly

Deep, cold and hungry

Crevices laced with tales
of butchered Innocence
The chapters of pain entwine

It could be anyone and hence it was everyone

There was a little girl lying under the bushes

Waiting for her moment to come

Someone said that this would mark her ‘the woman’

For a Prince who waits in a distant land

She saw a stone glinting in the afternoon sun

And the next instant it sliced her nakedness

She bit on a root, her eyes slowly turning red

Heart beating with the familiar phrase

‘A woman’s sound should never be heard’

Another savage blow and her petals were ripped

Punctured, squashed and Stitched

Flesh and blood mired with sand

Mocking that dry desert in a wet swamp

She laid there waiting for the darkness to come

‘When the sun shines back I will be a woman’

Blood rushing to her head

Shivering like a fish on land

She laid there bidding her time

To know about FGM: Wikipedia: 

Our housekeeper is becoming a communist!

(The conversation happened in tamil)

Few months back:

She: You have gas cylinders that you don't use. Shall I take one?

Me: I don’t have a gas stove. But my mother asked me to keep this on stand by. I might buy a gas stove when she comes for a visit or if I hire a cook. 

Few days back:

She: You have two Brush dusters. Shall I throw away one

Me: Both are good. I don’t want to throw that away

Last weekend, I found one duster missing

Me: Where is the other duster?

She: I threw it away. You had two.

Me: I asked you not to though I had two

She: I thought that you were not aware that you had two dusters when you told me not to throw it away

Me: But you did mention that there were two and I asked you not to throw it away

She: Is it that important?

Me: This is not really about if it's a small thing or a big thing

She: Ok, I will not throw away things without asking you. I threw it away along with some containers*

*I am racking my brain to find out what those containers are! And I doubt if the 'throwing away' place is really the trash bin.